Our family has suffered a loss. That is such a telling phrase- we have suffered-and we have lost someone near and dear to us. My sister Cheri's husband, Dave, has lost his battle to live longer here on earth with his family, due to a rare and unnamed form of malignant bone marrow cancer. He was fifty-eight years old, far too young.

I live my life in confidence of Dave's eternal home, but we are sad and feeling his absence in the lives of his wife and grown children. Father send your mercies, please comfort us and hold us up as we walk through these difficult days.

Many of the spiritual women's blogs I read are working on recognizing and expressing soul-felt gratitude for the gifts from God we experience each and every day in our lives. I will begin my list of "1000" today with these:

1) I am grateful for a God who loves me and knows me and sent His Son to die for my sins,

2) for grace so amazing, so freely given,

3) for mercy that rains down from heaven,

4) for guidance from His Holy Word written in the language I speak and understand,

5) for the love of a gentle, God-seeking man,

6) for birthed children and heart-birthed children who have grown to be God's servants in His world,

7) for grandchildren who enjoy being with me and light my life with joy,

8) for a home and nest to feather and care for with joy and fulfillment,

9) for health and life and breath,

10) for work to do that brings glory to my Father in Heaven.

Each Monday I will continue to list ten things for which I am grateful to God.

It is difficult to sit and wait. I have never been good at waiting, which is unusual, because in most things I am patient, but not with waiting.
We sit now each day and wait. We wait for doctors to name the villain in the plot to steal Dave's life. It has no name yet, but still the battle rages, and he grows weaker and more things go wrong. We wait for tests, and test results. We wait for treatments and therapies, and needles, and bags of IV fluids, and nurses and techs, and therapists, and still no name to the monster that consumes and kills in inches and moments and pain. We wait to know where he will move this time (move number five) and they don't tell us and move him when we are at dinner, and then we wait while he finally breaks and rages at his thirst and pain and wants to leave but cannot walk or breath, or live without the tubes and the needles and the doctors and techs, and the waiting and the waiting and the waiting.

Lord, I am so tired, but my tiredness cannot compare to that of my sister and her family. Please hold us up God as we walk through this valley together. Give us peace and joy and fill us with your spirit and life-giving grace and mercy. Watch over Dave as he rests and help the doctors find answers. Hold him safe in your hands as he sleeps this night in the ICU. Hold up all of us who love him. We pray with praise for your Holy Name. Amen.

In I Kings 3, Solomon asks for wisdom from God. My Bible calls it "a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong." Now really, how could we ever ask for more? Discernment is not much celebrated or valued in our society. We have responded to our more base instincts and tend to follow the "eye for an eye" mantra.

Part of my devotional life includes reading on line journals of other Christian women, and I just ran across one who asked me to pray for an angry, inconsiderate couple who is ticked that her group of persons (who are 70+ years old) are using the heated pool, and therefore feel justified in making scenes and pushing the group into an ever smaller space in a pool the seniors have been using for over eight years for water exercises. This young couple could use an unheated pool, but many of the aging members of the group they object to cannot. There have been angry shouting scenes with the pool manager and an effort to crash into them by the young couple swimming laps.

Where does all this anger and sense of "entitlement" come from?

The blogger's response was to ask us to pray for the angry young couple. Ah...wisdom.

I ask for wisdom, dear Lord, and a heart that seeks your will in all areas of my life.

"The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:
The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. "
Numbers 6:24-26 KJV

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The very best thing about a medical test is when it is over and everything is found to be okay, and the doc says not to come back for additional testing for ten years. Praise Him for all blessings large and small.

Hope by Emily Dickinson


Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune--without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

2 Samuel 23: 20 "Benaiah...went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion." Wow.

Now I think I am going to try and find every reference to lions that I can in the scripture.

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me.
-Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NRSV)

Beautiful Words and An Irish Tune

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight,
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower.
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

Thank you for the world so sweet.

Thank you for the food we eat.

Thank you for the birds that sing.

Thank you, God, for everything. Amen.

"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to heal my hurt?"

Memorial Day was called Decoration Day in Kentucky when I was growing up. Every family gathered at the family cemetery to "decorate" graves with flowers hurriedly cut from yards and gardens. Tradition demanded that we visit and eat picnic lunches under the shady trees. We laughed and hugged those aunts and uncles and cousins we saw too rarely and remembered those who were no longer sitting beneath the tress, but now lay close by under the soft green grass. It was the graves still covered only in the raw looking red clay dirt that brought the deepest sorrow. The passing of time had no healing work done in us yet.

I visited my family's cemetery last fall. It is at the top of a hill, nearly inaccessible to us "city" folk. The dirt and gravel road is steep, and I have often felt safer getting out to walk up or down. The tombstones and markers tell a family history that I wish I knew better. I have experienced such a brief part of this epic story. There are so many buried there I do not know. The ones who are so dear to me seem absent. I cannot feel them there. I know they have gone on home ahead of me, and I will see them there...in God's time, and on his schedule.

I wonder now about heaven, perhaps because years have accumulated and I am growing closer to making my home there. I trust in Jesus. Recently I was asked in a survey which famous person in the history of all time I would most like to meet...can you guess?

Happy birthday, child of mine...man after God's own heart. Warrior and protector, husband, father, brother, friend. We celebrate you today.

Despite a lifetime of belief and faith in God, at times my spirit is troubled.

I fall back on verses long ago memorized-

in times more simple with the unblemished faith of a child.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want,

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures

He leadth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul

He leadeth me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil; for thou art with me

Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies,

Thou anointest my head with oil,

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever." Psalm 23

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

Thirty-eight years ago I was ten days shy of being twenty years old. It was a cold March, and it was the brief time span between winter and spring quarters at Ohio State. I had had a pretty lousy winter quarter, actually the worst of my entire college career (which is quite long and a story for another day.) It is difficult, nearly impossible to concentrate on college classes when you are planning a wedding.

Ours was such a simple and uncomplicated affair compared to many weddings, but it still had its share of crises and deadlines and worries. One sister lived too far away to come, but all the rest were bridesmaids, dressed in pink, my favorite color at the time. My mother sewed my dress, the bridesmaid's dresses, and even the little white jacket that my three year old brother wore as the "ring master." My preacher father married us, and nearly collapsed from running back and forth before the ceremony. Neither of us can remember much about the wedding, just his little sister sobbing audibly as we took our vows, and doing the totally gauche thing of opening our gifts at the reception where only red punch, wedding cake, nuts and mints were served. My dear husband arrived at the wedding with the grand total of $6.00 in his pocket. Blessedly folks were generous, and we, as we always have, had enough to get by.

I hardly recognize the young girl in the photos. The thin handsome gentleman seems so much more familiar...he still looks the same to me. We were so young, and many would say foolish and ill prepared for what lay ahead of us. It was the grace and constancy of God's love that saw us through.

How can so much time have passed? I know that I love, respect, and honor him more now. Thank you, God, for the blessing of loving a person so filled with your love...who finds joy in the simple, pure, and holy things in life. Besides, he still makes me laugh.

Thirty-eight more years? Probably not here on earth, but eternity...Yes!

Today everyone is Irish, with the wearin' of the green.
Today everyone is Irish, most everyone it seems.
They laugh and weep for the dear old folk,
Who came here from across the sea.
Today everyone is Irish, and most especially me!

A simple poem for my great-grandfather, John Riley Cordle. Happy St. Patrick's Day to all the "Irish" among us.

Today outside my back door there are birds singing in the pine tree. I am sitting at a computer that was paid for long ago, in a chair on which I owe nothing, and in a house that is not mine...the bank still owns it. As the bad economic news continues to roll over all of us, the debt in our lives has become a real focus of my energy. We are setting goals for getting out of debt. for us that means one big credit card, a truck payment, and of course the really biggie...the house.

The truth is that we have not always made wise decisions concerning money. We are not the best "tithers" (although we sincerely try) and we have spent money that borrowed from future earnings far too often. We gave our children and sometimes our grandchildren things we could not afford, that even perhaps they might not have needed, because we love them and sincerely wanted to shower them with blessings. We went on vacations that we could not really afford, not often, but more than we should have. We sound spectacularly like our government, don't we?

A few years back Dear Husband and I were "downsized" and unfortunately for us, that did not refer to our body size, but rather to the loss of my husband's thirty-two plus years job. It was a real kick in the head, and since then we have been trying to learn from it. I think in many ways God has used this jolt to help us grow in our faith and understanding of God's plans for us.

Don't misunderstand, we went through our "mourning" period. We suffered under the same delusion that many folks of our generation had, that hard work and giving 100% and then some would keep you "safe." Ha! Dear Husband did not work for nine months, and then got a menial job earning less than one-third what he had earned in his previous employment. We had to pay our own way through COBRA for health insurance, and that completely depleted our savings account. The blessing is that we received a ten month severance package and we never went a day without health insurance or a week with out a pay check. God is so good! DH now has a job earning about half what he did, and I am working again, so God just keeps raining down the blessings!

My wonderful Grandma always said that you had to look for the "silver lining" in the dark cloud, so I think we are getting better at that. The upside for us is that we grew up on and around farms. We know how to plant and harvest, how to scrape and scrimp, and make do. Dear Husband is joyfully planting seeds and nursing along his baby plants in his basement workroom. Since he has been "cut back" (again, sigh) to four days a week in his new job, he has been building a compost bin for the backyard and planning his summer garden. All those things which we learned long ago will hopefully serve us well as we head into uncertain economic times. I am trying to master the art of baking our own bread, instead of paying nearly $4 a loaf at Kroger. We do not dare raise chickens (Columbus says no way) but we are looking for ways to reduce our debt and our use of the world's limited resources, by making do with what we have. Since we both grew up in homes with an abundance of children and a lack of abundance in funds, this is no big deal, and certainly nothing new.

We are still enjoying life, and we have learned to count our blessings far better than if we had never "lost" my husband's job. God is always at work in our lives, we just need to open our eyes and see His hand at work.

One of the prevailing ideologies of our culture is the value of "being useful." We cut our teeth on those old stories about the Pilgrims and their adage of, "He who does not work does not eat." As adults we define our lives, our identities, our selves in some ways by the "usefulness" of our activities, often by the professions we choose. We are our job, we don't do our job. I think this is a big mistake. What happens when we are no longer able to "do?"



It is not necessarily just your age that defines you, as far as our culture is concerned. I was only in my very early twenties when my children were born. One of the memories I have of being a young mom at home with my little children is in trying to explain to folks who did not share the belief that my at home job was a "real" job just what it was I did. I was often made to feel a bit defensive about my choice to be at home during my little ones early years. I would give everything I own and several years of my life to have back just one day of those times with my little children. Those of you who are still "in the trenches" and raising young children may find this difficult to believe, but being a wife and mother was my real life's work...everything else I have done with my life is only a side line, and relatively unimportant.



It is not just those at home with young children, but also those who "sit on the sidelines" due to age or infirmity. They feel that the world is defining them by its standards, and not the standards of God. Our kids used to listen to a Christian artist who sang a song called, "Lifeboat." Although it was a bit satirical, it questioned our cultural obsession with just what it is that gives us "value." Do we pitch the developmentally handicapped child into the ocean to "make room" for someone of "more value?"

I know for my folks, especially my dad, it is hard to feel like your life lacks purpose...although just getting through the days when you reach the age of eighty is challenging enough! My mom, God bless her, still finds joy in taking care of my dad, and has never lost her smile, even though the past year has taken its toll on her health as well. The world would not value the "purpose" she has chosen for her life, but I think she has chosen well.



Jesus often took notice of those "along the pathway of life." He saw them, when to most they were invisible, indeed often distasteful and "unclean." He saw people in doorways, those dropped down through roofs, the outcasts that others literally avoided like the plague! He touched the untouchable, he involved himself with those that society had long ago given up on. Would that I could be like Jesus...change my heart oh God, mend my broken places so that I can see with your eyes, and love with your heart.



I often wonder in what ways we live our lives in acknowledgement of the worth of all persons, even though they may be aging, incapacitated by poor health, or too young, or poor, or...?



If we follow the example of Jesus, then we must see persons as valuable because He created them, not for what they may or may not be able to "contribute." I think it is not the fear of aged numbers that makes us try to avoid old age, I think it is the fear of the loss of respect from those around us because we have lost our "usefulness." Thoughts to ponder, and a challenge for me to change my way of thinking.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Philippians 4: 8

"No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first,' doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Love never dies."

I Corinthians 13: 3-8 The Message (Paraphrase of the Bible)

The winter landscape of ice and cold and gray skies can mirror our own thoughts and emotions. We can wallow in the cold, complain at the deep chill, bemoan the grayness and bleakness of the long winter days.

But we cannot abide there long. We are children of the Light. Inside us glows the life giving Spirit, warmer than sub-zero temperatures, brighter than dark stormy blizzard skies, and unquenchable.

Today I will let your Spirit shine through my life. I will love as You love, I will do my best to be a bringer of Light to my world.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8: 12

Fill me with your Light!

If you have lived at all, you have known failure, loss, and disappointment. You have felt the sting of hopes broken, and dreams dashed upon the rocks of sin and missed opportunities.

If it were not for the grace so freely given, the mercy and salvation of our loving and forgiving God, no growth could happen. If not for Him there would be no hope, but....there is hope in Jesus Christ, and forgiveness, and mercy, and love.

Fill us up, Father God. Create new and pure hearts within us. Thanks be to God. Amen.

When I was a little girl, my great-grandmother thought I could play the piano. She loved to call out her favorite hymns and warble along while I plunked them out on the old upright dinosaur that graced the "parlor" of my grandma's house. She would sit and rock herself back and forth to the rhythm of the old familiar tunes and I would sweat bullets and bite my lip and try not to disappoint her too much. She rarely complained, and seemed to enjoy the company. Sometimes she would tell me how much better I sounded than the last time...God bless her.

Women who were born shortly after the end of the Civil war, as she was, usually had few options. Pretty much they had to marry, and she did, twice. Her first husband died while out west panning for gold. She was brokenhearted, but soon married a widower who had a parcel of children of his own. My grandmother was the oldest girl of that second marriage.


My great-grandma was a midwife, and she had played the piano and organ in several small churches, so how she ever tolerated the discordant mess that I was filling the air with, I'll never know. My father lived with her in his late teens, and he often went along on her "deliveries" to keep the men folk occupied while she and the mama to be did the real work.

The really cool thing is, I'll see her again. I just wonder if she'll be rocking and singing along to her favorite hymns. I had better start practicing.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3: 5-6